I’ve been wallowing in self pity for too long again obviously. My loving readers are sending me all sorts of help and advice. Some tough love. Some soft love. One really got me thinking. It was The Girl Who Never Grew Up who said it – those three little words that has pretty much fucked up my day. (In a good way of course. Thanks for bringing it to my attention chick! <3 )
“Google ‘peptide addiction’”
Love and relationship addiction.
The theory behind why women always go back to the same bad guys time and time again. Why people are drawn right back to the same relationship personalities that destroyed them over and over again. Could it really be something as simple as an addiction? The peptide addiction?
It seems like such a daft concept, doesn’t it? But it does kinda explain a few things. Why do women stay in relationships with men that cheat on them or beat them? Why do good guys always chase after stupid girls that always want the bad guys? Could it really be that our brains have somehow become addicted to the emotions you feel when you are in that relationship? Is the up and down of a bad relationship such a head fuck that it almost works like any other ‘bad’ drug and totally screws with your body?
Apparently, the limbic system in the brain does the same kind of thing within a person who suffers with a drug or alcohol addiction, as it does in the brain of a guy that keeps going back to the girl that cheats on him. It’s that peptide addiction. Apparently they are addicted to the hormones that are released during the up’s and down’s of a tumultuous relationship.
When you are in love, happy, basking in the honeymoon phase of a brand new love interest, your body releases hormones called dopamine and oxytocin. Dopamine makes you feel happy and excited.
When you kiss or are intimate with a partner, oxytocin is produced and in a recent study performed on lab rats, oxytocin has been shown to boost libido and generally give you those feelings of sexual interest. When the female rats were genetically modified to produce less or zero oxytocin, they had absolutely zero interest in the male rats, even during mating season. Not that I’m agreeing with testing on animals of course. It’s just a study I found in as I researched the idea that I could actually addicted to the emotions Jock invokes out of me.
You can find more information on the study here:
Plus, cortisol (the hormone that causes stress) is shown to be reduced when oxytocin and dopamine is produced in the body. Overall, it would suggest that the happy feelings you have when you are in love become so powerful, they could almost become an addiction.
Coming back to real life, and I AM the girl that goes back to the bad guys time and time again. I have no idea why I do that. Some say it’s down to the fact that I never met my father and I’m constantly on the lookout for the ‘father figure’ in my next love. When the guy can’t take care of me as I feel he should, I lose interest and fuck things up. Or help him to fuck things up. I start getting angry all the time and we stop socialising and going out together. We fight everyday.
I stayed with The Hubby even though he laid his hands on me time and time again. Even though he cheated on me over and over, and even caught an STI in the process. Even though he left me without any money for four months because he snapped the bank cards before he went away. Everything was in his name, I didn’t stand a chance of getting replacements sent out. He belittled me at every possible opportunity, picking out my physical flaws on an almost hourly basis. Still I stayed with him despite all of that. We had four years together, just over three of which we were married. And when I left, I had to leave without him knowing. I had to leave while he wasn’t there. I was a coward and I ran away. Perhaps I’ll tell this story sometime. It’s a very hard one for me to tell.
The Big Love was such a bad guy for me. His drug addiction would always come back and I have the most addictive personality. It didn’t take me long to start smoking at school. I started drinking and smoking pot pretty early too. I’m one hundred percent dependant on pot these days, although I’m sick so I’m totally putting it down to ‘medicinal use’ of course. When I was taking coke with Big Love, I got drawn into a very dangerous place. The same thing happened with The Hubby too – I took so many drugs when I was with him. I’m glad I’m not that in that same place anymore.
The First Boyf – he hit me, so did The Fireman. The First Boyf was a total control freak and tried to have complete say over how I ran my life every moment of every day. It was a very bad relationship to have for my first relationship at just 14 years old. He fucked me over in more ways than one.
I always stay with the bad guy and I can never see the good guy that is sitting right there in front of me. I have broken up with the good guys because they were too boring for me. The Lapdog and One Ball are two prime examples of this. Maybe even My Mr. Grey? All of them were really good guys and would never have done anything to deliberately hurt me, yet I fucked them all over in a pretty shitty way. Well apart from My Mr. Grey. We never really got started.
Could it be something as simple as being addicted? The peptide addiction? Am I really addicted to the way that the relationship with Jock makes me feel? I hate it when he leaves and I get a sense of panic, and I distinctly remembered that feeling with The Hubby too. With him it was a little different though. I knew that when he walked out the door, the next time I saw him he would be blind drunk and I’d probably get hurt again. It was a fear that I hope I never feel again. Complete dread from the second he put that key in the lock.
If there is such a thing as this peptide addiction, how the fuck do you treat it? How do you stop one person loving someone so much, they would stay with them through anything – the good, the bad, and the ugly? If they have no self-worth and can’t see that they deserve better, how do you make them believe that they do? How do you help those people? How do you help people like me?
How do I cut all ties when I don’t even want to?