Something’s going on here. I’m not entirely sure what’s going on. My head is all over the place and I think I need to get it down in print to clear my head.
Gosh it feels like I haven’t blogged in such a long time and I have so much to catch up on. I warn you peeps; this could turn into a really long blog post.
So, OB was down for two weeks. Let me just have a look back to my last blog post to see where I left off with you…
Ok, right. So he had gone home and my Bestie on the other side of the world had sadly put her dog to sleep. Well for a while I thought I was pregnant. The Lapdog is back in my life. Number 25 got in touch again. Number 26 and I have been talking quite a bit. Oh and OB is coming down again next week and I don’t think I want him to. Oh and some progress (ish) with my business plans have happened. My head is well and truly in a spin.
We’ll start with the “P” word.
So, it seemed like such a long time since I had my last period, I thought I had better check things out. I went back through my blog to see when my last Mother Nature rant was and realized it was the 16th February. I did the calculations and I was five days late. Shit.
I went to a pregnancy tracker website and typed in the first day of my last period. I would have conceived the very same day he got here. When I saw The Bestie I’ve Never Had a Dalliance With, he did this heart rate thing on me and my heart rate was pretty high. In the pregnancy early symptoms bit it said that this was one of the first symptoms, as the heart is pumping harder to make a baby or some shit. By this point I have pretty much convinced myself that I was pregnant. OB has had the snip through, right? Well yes he has but it turns out that sperm doesn’t fully leave the body after the snip until you have had between 20-30 ejaculations. Apparently it is fairly common for people to fall pregnant right after the guy has the snip.
I decided to bite the bullet and tell OB what was going on, against my better judgment. I had apparently been weird with him recently; blowing hot and cold so I needed to give him an explanation. See – he’s in tune with my emotions even halfway up the country! I told him and I got the result I had expected. He didn’t want another baby. That was why he had the snip. His honesty was pretty shocking, even though I had expected it. I didn’t really know how I felt about a man telling me that he didn’t want me to keep his baby. I wouldn’t have kept it anyway. We all know that. A baby would be the worst thing that could happen to me right now. I did have a few thoughts though – I reckon I could start wanting a baby with a guy I felt settled with.
Moving on – The Lapdog is back in my life.
He text me, I ignored it. He text me the next night, I ignored it. He text me an hour later, I ignored it. He text me an hour later after that, I finally gave in and text him back. We had a few brief polite words and then he asked if he could call me. I tried to put him off but he’s a persistent little fucker and eventually, I gave in.
We talked for hours, probably about two and a half? We talked about him and his girlfriend. We talked about me and my boyfriend. He was walking home from a friend’s house and I think he only reason he called me was because he wanted some company on the walk. He tried to bring up the past and I steered him away at every opportunity. He wanted to add me as a friend on Facebook again, but I respectfully declined. I’m not ready to have him back in my life again. I am very settled with OB and I don’t want to rock the boat. I can see myself cheating on OB with The Lapdog. I hate that I just admitted that. It’s funny though because very recently I’ve noticed that they are fairly similar people. I can see a lot of things in OB that I can see in The Lapdog and vice versa. Well that can’t be good.
Yup, this little shit came back. Same drill here – he text, I ignored it, so on and so forth, until eventually, in a bout of insomnia, I text him back. The usual bullshit continued – he wants me to send him a pic of my tits, he wants us to arrange to meet up, blah, blah, blah! I’m being a good girl as always but to be honest, I quite like having him around. Well, in messaging form anyway. He gives me that daily confidence boost I think every girl needs from time to time. He annoys the hell out of me of course, and I doubt I would ever actually go to meet him, but I like the little flirtation/banter we have together. See – my bored, badass side is coming back out. I’m actually going out drinking for the first time in forever tomorrow night and I’m actually considering having a wax… if you know what I mean.
A Little Bit of Big Love
I stalked The Big Love recently as always. It was their one year anniversary a couple days ago I guess. The first thing I felt when I saw the beautiful love poem – slash – vomit inducing, badly written mini-essay that she had left publicly on his page was heart-breaking pain. It lasted just for a moment but it was most definitely there. It was jealousy, anger, resentment, love, lust, adoration, obsession and a million other emotions all zooming around my body at once. He was my guy not hers. It was like a smack in the face, almost as though my Facebook page had turned around and said to me “Ha ha! He doesn’t love you anymore! He loves her! Ner ner ner ner ner!”
Of course as the days went by, I looked at it a thousand times. A few things dawned on me. Firstly, it was their one year anniversary and she had waxed lyrical about their beautiful and everlasting bond (vomit) but he didn’t say a single thing back. He didn’t even like her public display of love and adoration. He posted a status up after that about going sledding – it was almost as though he had completely ignored the remark was even there. Her page is totally private so I couldn’t even see if he had written on her page but I’d like to bet money that he hasn’t. I remember the public declarations of love we had made for each other and we most definitely acknowledged them at the very least!
Secondly – her page is completely private. I can’t see a single thing on her page. However, when she posted on his wall it was totally public – I could see everything. Every like, every friend that had commented (one – haha!), everything! Surely her default settings would have ensured that I couldn’t have seen it as I wasn’t friends with either of them? That means that she would have had to have made that public for a reason. Is that reason me? Is there trouble in paradise again?
Of course things seem to be going swimmingly for me. My little business is going from strength to strength and it would appear that things are finally starting to get moving for us. My boyfriend is still pretty much perfect, apart from the drunken phone calls and messages that kept me up half the night (to 3:30am) before work the next day, pissing me off more than he could ever understand. Aside from that, he’s perfect as always. The past men in my life are popping out of nowhere as usual and things are doing alright. Aside from the boredom and monotony that’s driving me crazy, of course!